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World War 2 - the Musical!
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Star Wars: Episode VIII: Binds of Tyranny Forum Index » Fan Activities » World War 2 - the Musical!
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Velora Antana
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Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 1611
Location: LOLtopia

 Post Posted: Tue, February 13th 2007 05:22pm    Post subject: World War 2 - the Musical!
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TRACKLIST

1. Summer Campaign
2. I Wanna be a Dictator
3. Sweet Dictator
4. Communist Reject
5. T-34
6. Let's do the Blitzkrieg Again
7. The Wehrmacht Song
8. What a Wonderful War
9. Otto Skorzeny
10. We're Gonna Lose the War
11. France is the Word
12. ?

GIRLS IN SKIMPY OUTFITS

SS Girls
Blackshirt Girls
Red Army Girls
French Army Girls
Panzer Crewgirls

PART THE FIRST

- Poland is invaded
- Hitler remembers his early days
- Romania, Bulgaria, Japan, Italy and Hungary join the Axis

1. Kremlin

Stalin is eating lunch with his ministers.

MINISTER: So, what did you do this September, comrade? (He is executed)

STALIN: I spent most of it in Poland. We won a war there.

BERIA: Hauled your armies all the way to Poland for some war?

STALIN: It was kind of... winnable.

BERIA: There ain't no such thing. (He dodges a bullet)

2. Reichstag building

Hitler returns from Poland to the cheers of his people, and makes his way into the war room. His ministers are all looking confused.

GOERING: What has happened? Why are the people so happy?

HEYDRICH: Did we win the war already, or something?

HITLER: Ah, you don't wanna hear the gory details.

GOERING: What, are you kidding me?

HITLER: All right, all right, I'll tell you!

The Reich band, The Electric Schutzshtaffel, appear out of nowhere. They start playing an upbeat tune. (’Summer Lovin')

HITLER: Summer Campaign, had me a blast

STALIN: Summer campaign, happened so fast

HITLER: Invaded Poland, killed some guys

STALIN: Invaded Poland, Molotov was wise

HITLER + STALIN: Summer fight, losses were light,
but uh - oh those Panzer tanks!

NAZIS: Heila Heila Heila huh!

Tell me more, tell me more

BOHM: Did you use any tanks?

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more,

Did the Germans say 'thanks'?

uh huh uh huh uh huh

uh huh uh huh uh huh

HITLER: We used stukas, bombed their positions

STALIN: We sent soldiers, stole their munitions

HITLER: Got Warsaw, took but a daaaaay

STALIN: Red Army fires, Poles go awaaay

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Summer Campaign, Hitler's insane,
but uh - oh those Panzer tanks!

Heila Heila Heila huh!

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more

ZHUKOV: Did they put up a fight?

ROMMEL: Tell me more, tell me more

Panzers medium or light?

doo be doo do be doo do be doo be doo be dooo

HITLER: Gebirgsjagers
Secured Cracow-ow

STALIN: Their defences
Melted like snoooow-ow

HITLER: We killed planes, as they took offff

STALIN: We faced Generals, Smigdly and Goff

HITLER and STALIN: Summer War, invading more,
but oh- oh those Panzer taaaaanks

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Woh woh woh!

Tell me more, tell me more!

HESS: But you don't gotta lie

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more!

YEREMENKO: Did their Head of State cry?

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop yeah!

STALIN: We used Armiyas, of twelve div-isions

HITLER: We drank champagne, til we had viii-isions

STALIN: They had less
Than a million men!

HITLER: If I could
I'd in-vade agaaaaain

HITLER and STALIN: Polands down, got Lebensraum
But uh - oh those Panzer taaaaanks

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Woh woh woh!

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more!

KALININ: How many tanks did they send?

NAZIS: Tell me more, tell me more

HANS OSTER: Where'd our sup-ply lines end?

He is knocked out by Goering weilding a wooden eagle.

STALIN: It turned colder

That's where its eeeeends

HITLER: I told Stalin

That we were frieeeeends

STALIN: Then we signed, our Non-Aggro paaact

HITLER: Wonder when, the Brits will react...

HITLER and STALIN: Summer Krieg, my stukas will flieg,
but uh... those Paa-anzer

Taaa-aaaaaanks

ALL: Tell me more, tell me mooooooore..!


MARTIN BORMANN: Cool.

[FONT=Arial]3. Reichstag, October the 2nd. Hitler is dreaming of his early days...

4. Beer Hall, Munich. Hundreds of people sit, drinking beer by the gallon.

(To the tune of I Wanna Be a Producer )

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy...unhappy… very unhappy
Unhappy...unhappy...
Very very very very very
Very very unhappy!

HITLER:
I spend my life a drinking
With be-er and such

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy

HITLER:
When can I apply Fascist thinking?
It figures, not much

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy

HITLER:
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role…

I wanna be a dictator
With a massive Nazi heer
I wanna be a dictator
Ban the drinking of our beer
I wanna be a dictator
Sport a black cap and brown shirt
I wanna be a dictator
And cause my enemies some hurt!

SS girls in short skirts appear out of nowhere.

I wanna be a dictator
And sleep until half-past two
I wanna be a dictator
And say, "Kill, maim, stab and… boo!"
I wanna be a dictator
Have a bodyguard and five-year-planners
I wanna be a dictator
And see my name on scarlet banners!

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be a dictator
The Polish he will smash
He wants to be a dictator
Ev'ry pocket stuffed with cash
He wants to be a dictator
Pinch our cheeks 'til we cry

SS GIRL #1:
Ouch!

SS GIRL #2:
Eek!

SS GIRL #3:

Ooh!

SS GIRL #4:
Oh!

SS GIRL #5:
Ahh!

SS GIRL #6:
Yes!

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be a dictator
With a dip-lo-mat-ic pouch!

HITLER:
I wanna be...

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be...

HITLER:
I wanna be...

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be...

HITLER:
I wanna be the greatest, grandest
And most fabulous dictator in the world

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be a dictator
He wants to dine with Herman and Eva

HITLER:
I just gotta be a dictator
A murderer and enslaver

SS GIRLS:
His name will be reviled for ever!

HITLER:
I wanna be a dictator
Show the world just what I've got
I'm gonna annex nations
THAT will enthrall 'em

SS GIRLS & HITLER:
Read my name in ev’ry newspaper column!

HITLER:
I wanna be a dictator

He is jerked back to the reality of the Beer Hall.

'Cause it's everything I'm not …

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy...unhappy...

HITLER & BAVARIANS:
Very very very very very
very very...

BAVARIANS:
...sad

HITLER:
I wanna be a Dictator…

Hold everything! What I am I doing here? Herr Ludendorff was right!
There is a lot more to me than plotting!
Stop the German political system…
I WANNA GET ON!

LEAD BAVARIAN:
Hitler, where do you think you're going?

HITLER:
Herr Marks, I've got news for you. I quit!

He hands over his Bavarian posessions.

Here's my stein... my lederhosen... and my big finish!
I'm gonna be a Dictator!

SS GIRLS:
He’s gonna be a dictator!

HITLER:
Look out Reichstag,
Cos here I come!!

SS GIRLS & ACCOUNTANTS:

Reichstag, here he comes!

3. Reichstag, morning

HITLER: Here I coooome..!

EVA BRAUN: Adolf, wake up and stop talking in your sleep![/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]6. Reichstag. It is raining.

ROMANIAN AMBASSADOR: Doesn't seem to be anyone in. Damn, how can we get home now, especially with our plane broken?

ROMANIAN: I don't know, sir.

The door creaks open.

FOOTMAN: Can I help you?

AMBASSADOR: Um, yes, can we talk to your Head of State?

FOOTMAN: Yyes...

They enter. Another door is flung open.

The new Reich Band, Grossman and the Gamblin' Gebirgsjagers, starts playing another upbeat tune.

Hitler himself strides in. He strokes his mustache.

HESS: You'll see, Rommel, he'll get 'em in the Axis.

HITLER:
(To the tune of Sweet Transvestite )

HITLER:
How d'you do-ah
See you've met my
faithful... SS Man
He's just a little brought down
because when you knocked
He thought you were Martin Bor-mann
Don't get strung up
by the way I rule,
Don't judge a Reich by its killer
I'm not much of a man
by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a thriller-ha!

I'm just a sweet Dictator from Naaaaziiiii Germania
Uh huh!

So let me show you my Heer,
Maybe sound the all clear
You look like you're both pretty nasty
Or if you want something good, I could sink HMS Hood
Or I could make you a Naa-a-aziii

ROMANIAN AMBASSADOR:
I'm glad we caught you at home,
could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry
We'll just say where we are,
then go back to Romaniaaa
We don't want to be any worry

HITLER:
So you got shot down by Kraut, well, how’d that work out?
Well babies, don't you curse the nacht
By the light of the night when it all seems alright
I'll get you a Tri-par-tite pa-a-act

He pulls out a piece of paper, already signed by Italy, Bulgaria and Hungary.

I'm just a sweet Dictator from Naaaaziiiii Germania
Uh huh!

So why don't you join my alliance? I won’t accept any dall-iance,
I could show you my panzer armee
I've been making a tank, it’s bigger than a Swiss bank
Though Guderian thinks it’s barmy

I'm just a sweet Dictator from Naaaaziiiii Germania
Uh huh!

So… come up to the lair,
And see if Japan’s there,
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the Bolsheviks are… really the cause of it
So I'll remove the cause… and the Soviet nation!

The Romanians applaud.

AMBASSADOR: I shall tell our glorious leader of your crusade against the Soviet Union! We shall join your great alliance!

NARRATOR: One by one, the free nations of Europe fall to the Nazi jammin'...[/FONT]
_________________

-Grand Admiral, Chief of Staff of Nespis Defence Force-

"LOL DILDOS" - Cray | "FFS" - Ams | "Moff, you should know better." - Han

Alex says:
I outnumber him ten million to one
Alex says:
GOOD ODDS FOR ANY GREEK

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Crazed says:
everytime i talk to alexus, i love him a little more

Holder of the 30,000th post

Inventor of the phrase "I'll get my killin' hat." (Seriously. Google it.)

"My gut can't repel comedy of that magnitude!" - Jace911


Last edited by Velora Antana on Tue, February 13th 2007 05:29pm; edited 2 times in total
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Ams Jendob
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 Post Posted: Tue, February 13th 2007 05:31pm    Post subject:
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YOU HAVE TOO MUCH FREE TIME. :p
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"The Preying Mantis often sizes up a potential mate while wearing too much eyeliner..." - Velora

"You are so cool, you make James Bond proud..." - My Dad... sarcastically. Don't try to juggle cutlery. :p
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Space Jawa
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 Post Posted: Tue, February 13th 2007 06:23pm    Post subject:
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If you're going to have a musical about WW2, you HAVE to include Springtime for Hitler.
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Ams Jendob
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 Post Posted: Tue, February 13th 2007 06:41pm    Post subject:
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Oooh, I have song!

Bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber
MUSHROOM CLOUD, MUSHROOM CLOUD!
Bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber
MUSHROOM CLOUD, MUSHROOM CLOUD!
Bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber
MUSH--MUSHROOM CLOUD!
Bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber
ARGH! ZERO! AHH ZERO! Zerooooo, a Zero! Oh, it's a Zero! It's a...
Bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber, bomber
MUSHROOM CLOUD, MUSHROOM CLOUD!
_________________

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Galaxy Map|Board and RPG Rules|Game Guide

"The Preying Mantis often sizes up a potential mate while wearing too much eyeliner..." - Velora

"You are so cool, you make James Bond proud..." - My Dad... sarcastically. Don't try to juggle cutlery. :p


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Kyle Korrel
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 Post Posted: Tue, February 13th 2007 08:45pm    Post subject:
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LOL... :P It's Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany. Winter, for Polland, and France! :P
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Nevin Antilles
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 Post Posted: Tue, February 13th 2007 09:19pm    Post subject:
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Your repetitive obsession with that relic from like 4 years ago is quite annoying.
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Velora Antana
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 Post Posted: Wed, February 14th 2007 04:30am    Post subject:
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Who you 'ddressin', Nev?

PART THE SECOND

- Mussolini remembers his early days
- Stalin oversees the design of the T-34 tank
- Hitler and his Generals decide to do the Blitzkrieg again

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Mussolini is remembering what made him convert from Communism to Fascism. Incidentally, I am a cheap narrative device used to cobble together some kind of story structure in this travesty.

MUSSOLINI: I remember... so much... 'twas another sunny day in old Italia...

*Flashback*

MUSSOLINI: I can't believe the Soviet Union wouldn't send me aid. What the hell do they mean, can't take power in Italy? Bastards! If only I had a guardian angel, like in that movie...

A blinding light... blinds... him. Um. Anyway, when he opens his eyes again, an angel has appeared before him wearing an SS uniform.

ANGEL:
(To the tune of Beauty School Dropout )
Your story's sad to tell,
An Italian ne’er do well,
Most mixed up young socialist in the land
Your future's so unclear now,
What's left of your career now?
Your takeover of Italia stays unplaaaned

Mussolini's field of vision expands, and he sees dozens of beautiful Blackshirt girls appear, dancing around sedately.

BLACKSHIRT GIRLS:
La
lalala
lalala
lalalaaaaaaa
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

ANGEL:
Communist reject,
No scarlet armband and hat for you,
Communist reject,
Lenin thought your conviction was untrue
Well at least you could have taken time,
to help the people, with their toil
After spending all that dough
to have the doctor lance that boil!

He points at Mussolini’s nose.

Musso, get moving

BLACKSHIRT GIRLS:
Musso, get movin,

ANGEL:
Why keep your feeble hopes alive?
What are you proving?

GIRLS:
What are you provin'?

ANGEL:
You've got the dream but not the drive,

If you opt to join the army, you could end up as an Alpinist
Turn in your crimson flag and be-come a Fascist!

Communist reject,

GIRLS:
Communist reject,

ANGEL:
Hanging around, breakin' the law
Communist reject,

GIRLS:
Communist rejeeect,

ANGEL:
It's about time you knew the score

Well you couldn't make it as a red,
You think you're such a cool guy,
So become an imperialist, and watch the confetti fly-ay-ay!

Musso, don't sweat it

GIRLS:
Don't sweat it,

ANGEL:
You're not cut out to be a Lenin
Better forget it

GIRLS:
Forget it!

ANGEL:
Who wants their economy to have
central plennin’?

Now your flag is red, your boss is dead,
But still there is a schism,
Wipe off that revolutionary face and go to Fascism!

Musso, don't blow it,
Don't put my good advice to shame.
Musso, you know it,
Even Trotsky’d say the same!

Now I've called the shot, get off the block, I really gotta flyyyyy!
Gotta be going to that,
Nuremburg Trail,
In the sky!

Communist Reject (Communist Reject)
Become a Fascist
Communist Reject (Communist Reject)
Become a Fascist
Communist Reject (Communist Reject)
Become a Fasciiiiiiist-a!

He vanishes, and the Blackshirt girls disappear as well.

Mussolini looks down at his cigarette and shrugs.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, concerned that Germany could one day invade, Stalin visits the tank plants of Kharkov...

GENERAL: This is our newest model, the BT-7M.

STALIN: It's not very goood...

GENERAL: I'm afraid it's the best we have, comrade.

STALIN: We need better tanks than this to beat the Germans someday, comrade.

GENERAL: I'm sorry si- (he is killed)

NEWLY PROMOTED GENERAL: What do we do, comrade Stalin?

STALIN: Why, you guys don't realise - this tank could be a major piece of machinery.

Why, this tank could be automatic
Hydromatic...
Ultramatic!

Why, it could be a T-thirty four!

GENERALS:
T-thirty four!

(To the tune of Greased Lightning )

STALIN:
We'll get some overhead lifters, and 75 mil cannon, oh yeah

ZHUKOV:
Keep talkin', whoah keep talkin'!

STALIN:
Sloping steel armour, and camoflage paint, oh yeah

ZHUKOV
We'll get her ready, I'll kill to get her ready!

STALIN:
With anti-inf shell in the gun,
We’ll be havin’ lots of fun
You know that ain't a lie
We'll be making Germans die
With the T-thirty four

GENERALS:
Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah!

STALIN:
Go, T-thirty four, you're burnin' up the quarter mile

GENERALS:
T-thirty four, go T-thirty four!

STALIN:
Go, T-thirty four, the Wehrmacht will retreat for a while

GENERALS:
T-thirty four, go T-thirty four!

STALIN:
You’ll take ‘em out, we’ll kill some Kraut
With a T-thirty four

GENERALS:
Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah woah!

STALIN:
We'll get some socialist banners and thirty inch shells, oh yeah,

GENERALS:
Oooh-oo-ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

STALIN:
An onboard radio and auto-loader system, oh yeah!

GENERALS:
Oooh-oo-ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oooh

STALIN:
With new guns and shells, again,
We can kill lots of men
You know that I ain't braggin',
She's a real murder wagon
T-thirty four!

GENERALS:
Go go go go go go go go go go go go!

STALIN:
Go, T-thirty four, you're burnin' up the quarter mile

GENERALS:
T-thirty four, go T-thirty four!

STALIN:
Go, T-thirty four, the Wehrmacht will retreat for a while

GENERALS:
T-thirty four, go T-thirty four!

STALIN:
You’ll take ‘em out, we’ll kill some Kraut
With a T-thirty four

They dance around, fitting the tank with all new equipment. To continue the trend in this musical, there are some Red Army girls running around in short skirts. Just for fun.

STALIN:
Go, T-thirty four, you're burnin' up the quarter mile

GENERALS:
T-thirty four, go T-thirty four!

STALIN:
Go, T-thirty four, the Wehrmacht will retreat for a while

GENERALS:
T-thirty four, go T-thirty four!

STALIN:
You’ll take ‘em out, we’ll kill some Kraut
With a T-thirty four

Thirty four, thirty four, thirty four
Thirty four, thirty four, thirty four
Thirty fooooour!

STALIN: Yeah! Come on, comrades, let's get to work.

He pulls out a pistol and shoots a General dead.


NARRATOR: It's the battle of the millenium, and Hitler's putting it all on the line! Gathered on the Russian border are over three million of the Wehrmacht's finest, most average, and least fine men. The Russians are outnumbered and outgunned, and Hitler merely has to finalise his strategy...

Scene whatever. Hitler and his generals are plotting over a big map of the Soviet Union.

HITLER: We could send all our men into the Ukraine, get encircled, and lose because we refuse to make a tactical retreat...

MANSTEIN: Nein! That's a stupid idea!

VON BOCK: We could make a drive for Moscow, get encir-

GUDERIAN: Nein, for the lieb of Gott! We need a better plan.

HITLER: Und what do you suggest, Guderian?

GUDERIAN: Let's do the Blitzkrieg again!

MANSTEIN: Yes!

(To the tune of The Time Warp)

MANSTEIN:
It's astounding,
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely,
Not for very much longer
I've got to keep control

HITLER:
I remember, in-vading Pooo-land
Drinking those moments
When
The en’my would hit us,
And the Gen’rals were calling

GENERALS:
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!

Guderian points at the map.

GUDERIAN:
It's just a thrust… with the tanks

GENERALS:
And then a blast from the mo-bile ar-til-ery

GUDERIAN:
With your troops... on the flanks

GENERALS:
You watch your guys in the kill-ery
But it's the stukas dive-bombing that really drive you insa-a-a-a-a-ane,
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!

HITLER:
It's so dreamy,
Oh fantasy, free me!
So you can't beat me, no not at all
In another dimension,
With tanks of my own invention
Well-defended, I win wars

HIMMLER:
With a bit of a counterthrust
Your troops die,
But needs must
Still, nothing can ever be the same

GUDERIAN:
You're spaced out on defeatISm,
Like you're losing to CommunISm

GENERALS:
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!

HITLER:
Well I was walking through the bunker just a-having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He glanced at my bag, it took me by surprise
It blew up, took out some Gen’ral’s eyes
I flew through the air, and I felt a change
Death meant nothing, never would again

GENERALS:
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!

GUDERIAN:
It's just a thrust with the tanks!

GENERALS:
And then a blast from the mo-bile ar-til-ery!

GUDERIAN:
With your troops on the flanks!

GENERALS:
You watch your guys in the kill-ery
But it's the stukas dive-bombing that really drive you insa-a-a-a-a-ane,
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!
Let's do the Blitz Krieg again!



HITLER: Right. It's decided then.
_________________

-Grand Admiral, Chief of Staff of Nespis Defence Force-

"LOL DILDOS" - Cray | "FFS" - Ams | "Moff, you should know better." - Han

Alex says:
I outnumber him ten million to one
Alex says:
GOOD ODDS FOR ANY GREEK

Expand


Crazed says:
everytime i talk to alexus, i love him a little more

Holder of the 30,000th post

Inventor of the phrase "I'll get my killin' hat." (Seriously. Google it.)

"My gut can't repel comedy of that magnitude!" - Jace911


Last edited by Velora Antana on Wed, February 14th 2007 04:40am; edited 1 time in total
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Velora Antana
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Location: LOLtopia

 Post Posted: Sun, February 25th 2007 04:43pm    Post subject:
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I thought I'd update this.

PART THE THIRD

- The Germans run into supply problems.
- The German offensive slows down
- Russia is ****ing HUGE.

NARRATOR: Me again, trying to fling the odd scrap of history into this big melting pot of poorly justified singing and dancing. The battle of the millenium is on! Millions of troops clash in the greatest battle of our age! etc!

Scene something, I've lost count. Hundreds of divisions advance across Russia, until something begins to hamper their progress - the Soviets are fighting back fiercer, the mud is beginning, and there is frost on the horizon.

A Wehrmacht colonel stands astride his Panzer and begins to sing.

COLONEL:
(To the tune of London Underground http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/medic/fitness/tracks/London%20Underground.mp3 [There is some strong language, so be warned])

Some people might like to take over Romania,
Or take over Spain or France or Albania,
Some fascists like to invade the Chinas,
But I don’t want to take on the whiners,
Today, I'm going to take Russie,
'Cos Hitler said the UK’s for pussies
The crazy bastard wants Moscow
But doesn’t know our tanks can’t go
Not without some petrol, no
So I'm standing here in the freezing snow
Where the f*** did my Wehrmacht go?

German High Command,

Panzer crewgirls in, yes, skimpy outfits, pop out of the tanks.

PANZER CREW GIRLS:
German High Command!

COLONEL:
With their f***ing useless, stupid plan
German High Command

GIRLS:
German High Command!

COLONEL:
I hate the High Command, I want to shoot them all
With a Panzer…

All they say is "Please take Rostov",
And I can’t just tell them to f*** off,
That job could be done by a four year old,
They just leave us freezing in the cold,
What you see is what you get,
Fat old Prussians who hardly sweat,
You fight the Russians every day,
In mud that’s rock hard or soft as clay,
And all your soldiers turning gay,
So don't tell me "Take Leningrad"
I want my supply lines
Not to be so bad!

German High Command!

PANZER CREW GIRLS:
German High Command!

COLONEL:
With their f***ing useless, stupid plan
German High Command

GIRLS:
German High Command!

COLONEL:
I hate the High Command, I want to shoot them all
With a Panzer

LaLaLaLa

LaLaLaLa

The mud is sticky and our guns are damp,
Russian snipers shoot at every lamp,
But the quartermasters send schnapps when,
All my tanks break down again,

German High Command

GIRLS:
German High Command!

COLONEL:
WaWa Wankers, They're all Wankers!
German High Command

GIRLS:
German High Command!

COLONEL:
Take your Siegfried Oath,
and shove it up your arsehole…

NARRATOR: And so the German war machine struggles through boundless Russia...[/FONT]

Scene meh. Now deeply mired in the Russian mud, the German army is hit by winter. Stuck until the spring thaw, they dig in.

NARRATOR: Adolf Hitler personally inspects the German army on the Eastern front, and he is ever deranged - or optimistic - about the situation.

Hitler strolls through a German camp, where soldiers huddle around braziers, and light fires under tanks to thaw them out. He begins to sing.

HITLER:
(To the tune of What a Wonderful World )

I see corpses of blue,
Scarlet snow, too,
I see them true,
For me and you,

He ruffles the hair of a German soldier with no arms.

And I think to myself,
What a wonderful war...

He climbs up on the frozen panzer and surveys the hellish landscape.

HITLER:
I see skies of crimson,
And clouds of flame,
The brightness of cities,
The darkness of shame,

And I think to myself,
What a wonderful war...

He indicates a group of tanks that struggle past.

HITLER:
The colours of the Swastika,
So pretty as they fly,
Are also on the turrets,
Of tanks going by,

Almost overcome by emotion, he sheds a happy tear as he bounds over to a Luftwaffe General conferring with a Wehrmacht colonel.

HITLER:
I see gen’rals shaking hands,
Saying - How do you do?
They're really saying,
“I hate you.”

I hear soldiers screaming,
I watch them die,
Their lives were short,
Their wives will cry,

He runs over to his Chief of Staff and points to Stalingrad on a map.

HITLER:
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful war...

Yeah,
I think to myself...
What a wonderful
Waaaar,

...Yeaaaaah!
_________________

-Grand Admiral, Chief of Staff of Nespis Defence Force-

"LOL DILDOS" - Cray | "FFS" - Ams | "Moff, you should know better." - Han

Alex says:
I outnumber him ten million to one
Alex says:
GOOD ODDS FOR ANY GREEK

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Crazed says:
everytime i talk to alexus, i love him a little more

Holder of the 30,000th post

Inventor of the phrase "I'll get my killin' hat." (Seriously. Google it.)

"My gut can't repel comedy of that magnitude!" - Jace911
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